hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
