1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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