and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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