I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
