I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
