coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize