OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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