i was born a porn star she said
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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