I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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