I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
