I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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