yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
