I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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