We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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