No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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