Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
