So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
