This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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