I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize