Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
