Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
