I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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