I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize