All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
