um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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