Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
