Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
