I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
