May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
