you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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