I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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