She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
