Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
