every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how do flat chested girls get laid?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
