he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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