You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
