My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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