there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
