You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize