I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk is not a location!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
