After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
