i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
