i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
