Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
