You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
