Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
