The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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