I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's Friday. Sex?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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