I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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