The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
