wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
