She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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