Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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