I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
