I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
