Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm passing your future prison.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
