i barfeds in our rink
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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