i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
