turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
