I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
