do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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