I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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