I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
