Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
