Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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