Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
