FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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